


Weakness and Strength

by elletromil



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Ficlet, Happy Ending, M/M, Spoilers, for the trailer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 11:17:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10740609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: Harry might be back physically, but there are still many memories that are beyond his reach and that will stay that way. Because of this, he knows that he's not the same man he was before. He's not the man Eggsy loves.





	Weakness and Strength

**Author's Note:**

  * For [johanirae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/johanirae/gifts).



> johanirea shared some [amazing Hartwin artwork](http://johanirae.tumblr.com/post/159996021371/kingsman-the-golden-circle-remember) with us yesterday and I just had to write something for it. This is the result.

It’s not that he doesn’t want Eggsy’s touch. Lord no.

He’s not sure of many things nowadays, but he knows that he’s never craved anything more. Whenever Eggsy's hands hover near his skin, it is hard not to lean into it. Hard not to let himself forget that he’s not whole anymore, that he isn’t the man Eggsy has fallen in love with.

It would be so easy to pretend for a while, for as long as Eggsy would let him. He’s tempted everyday and if Harry was a selfish man, he would.

But if there is something else he knows, it’s that he loves him more than he would have thought possible. And because he does, he won’t put him through the hell that are false hopes.

Harry Hart might not be a good man, not even now, but he’s not a cruel one either.

They might still hope that he’ll be remembering all his previous life at any time now, but Harry no longer doubts that those memories are gone far from his reach. Everything he was to remember, he already did.

This is who he is now, a mere shadow of who they all remember. Maybe Eggsy would come to love that version of him too, but he fears he’d only end up being disappointed and being too kind to break things up once he realises the truth. Fears that Eggsy will be trapped with a man he’s fallen out of love of.

Harry would rather lose his other eye than take away Eggsy’s freedom in any way. Even seeing him chained down to him by whatever linked them before is torture beyond belief.

But the more he pushes Eggsy away, the more the young man persists in staying with him. And that simply cannot go on.

He had hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but there’s no escaping the confrontation, there’s no escaping the fight.

How it starts, he cannot say but this is how it ends.

“You have to stop that Eggsy! I can’t be who you want me to be, I won’t ever be! I’m not… I’m not him! I won’t ever remember, no matter how much you want it… No matter how much I want it…”

He doesn’t care that his voice is breaking on the words. Doesn’t care that his own heart is breaking. He only cares about the sadness in Eggsy’s eyes and wishes there would be a way to do this without hurting him.

Eggsy steps closer, close enough that he can feel the warmth of his body and Harry should really puts some distance between them, but he finds that he’s frozen in place. And when Eggsy’s raises a hand to cup his cheek, for once he doesn’t shy away from contact.

“But I’ve never asked you to remember.” Harry opens his mouth to protest, only to close it without saying anything. His mind might play tricks on him about everything that happened before he woke up in his padded cell, but for what happened after, it is as sharp as ever. Eggsy’s not lying. “And I won’t ever ask you to. Not any more than I’d ask you to be someone you’re not. I want you to be _you_ and to let me in. To give me – to give _us_ – a chance. If- If you don’t think you can, if you don’t think it’s worth it, then I’ll stop. But don’t push me away because you think I deserve better or some shite like this.”

He looks immensely sad and sounds resigned, as if he knows already he’s asking too much of Harry. That this is the first and only time Harry will let him stand this close.

In another life, he might have been right.

But in this one, Harry finds himself falling prey to his selfishness and instead of leaving the room, he turns his head to press a kiss against the palm of Eggsy’s hand. Finds himself whispering the words that have been burning his tongue since he realised his feelings for Eggsy.

“Alright, alright, let’s- let’s give this a chance.”

It should feel like weakness, like failure, but the way Eggsy beams up at him, before leaning against him like Harry’s the only thing keeping him standing… Well, even with his memories intact, he’s sure he would never have felt stronger in his entire life than right at this moment.


End file.
